Last updated: July 2007

This information is to help you plan "together time" for your children and the non-custodial parent. The non-custodial parent is the one who does not have custody. These are not legal rules for visitation, they are just suggestions.

It is best for children to spend time with the non-custodial parent on a regular basis. This lets the children know that the non-custodial parent is still going to be an active part in his or her life. Having a set schedule also makes it easier for parents to organize their time make sure that they can spend quality time with their children.

The visits should be set up differently for children of different ages and the children's feelings should always be considered.

Parents Should Be Aware

• Fights over visitation often come from past marriage problems. These fights can harm the parent's relationship with the children and make the children feel as if these fights are their fault;
• Visitation is set up so that the children can have a good relationship with both parents. It is important that the visitation plan works for the children and not just for the parents. Parents should change the plan when the needs of the children change;
• Visitation should be kept. Only real emergencies are good reasons for canceling or changing visitation. If changes must be made, the parent who is making the change should explain it to the children and the other parent;
• Child support issues should not be confused with visitation issues. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
• Children and parents will need some time to get used to the visitation plan;
• Work schedules, schools, and child care places available to each parent must be thought about when planning a visitation schedule;
• Phone calls to the children from parents in the same community should take place a lot but the calls should be at a reasonable time;
• Parents living away from the community should make long distance calls, as often as they can afford. It is best if these calls are on a regular schedule;
• For families with more than one child, these guidelines will need more changes to meet the needs of each child.

Visitation Guidelines for Infants to Age 2

• Visits should be for 1– 2 hours, at least twice a week, and it would be best if the visits were in the home of the custodial parent. When the visiting parent provides equal primary care for the children, over-nights and weekend visits should be allowed;
• The infant should always be back with the custodial parent at least 2 hours before bed-time;
• Over-nights should be considered only if the visiting parent has been an active part in the daily care of the infant including feeding, changing, bathing, and caring for illnesses;
• If the child seems worried or upset about sleeping in a new place, then over-nights should stop until the family becomes more settled.

Visitation Guidelines for Children, 2– 5 Years

• One full day each weekend. Or, if the child is used to having alone time with the non-custodial parent, a visit every other weekend (2 days and the night in between) may be okay. These visits should be set for the first and third, or second and fourth weekends every month;
• At least 1 weekday visit of 2– 3 hours away from the custodial home
• The child should always be returned at least 1 hour before bedtime
• One to 2 weeks during the non-custodial parent's vacation period

Visitation Guidelines for Grade School Children, 6– 12 Years

• Visits every other weekend, Friday– Sunday nights. These should be scheduled for either the first and third or second and fourth weekends
• At least one weekday visit from after school to 1 hour before bedtime away from the custodial home
• The child should always be returned at least 1 hour before bedtime
• These visits should be flexible enough to allow the child to participate in special events. When appropriate, the visiting parent may be responsible for taking the child to these activities during the visitation period

Visitation Guidelines for Teens, 13– 18 Years

• At this age the routine for visitation should be flexible. Parents should be aware of the importance of the teen's social activities;
• Frequent communication and flexible visitation should be encouraged.

Summer Vacation

• For the child 6 to 9 years old — 4 weeks
• For the child 10 to 17 years old — 4 to 6 weeks, either in a row or split into 2 or 3 week segments

The child should be returned to the custodial home at least one week before the first day of school.

Out of Town Visits

• Very young children should only travel if taken by a responsible adult known by the child and approved by the custodial parent;
• When the visiting parent is visits from out of town, the custodial parent should allow extra visitation as long as reasonable notice is given.

Visits During the Holidays – Parents Living in the Same Community

• Holidays and birthdays celebrated by the child should be shared equally between the parents. Half of the child's normal waking hours on those days should be spent with each parent;
• Long school holidays or vacation periods, other than summer, may be shared equally. Half of the time to be spent with each parent, or taking turns each year;
• Parents can have the children with them on their own birthdays, Mother's Day for the mother, and Father's Day for the father for up to 8– hours, if that day is not a school day. When these days are during the school week, visits may be after school until one hour before bedtime.

Visits During the Holidays – One Parent Living Out of Town

• If finances allow, at least half of long school vacations (spring and winter holiday breaks, Thanksgiving), should be spent with the visiting parent. If this isn't possible, the visiting parent should be able to choose a visit during one extended holiday in addition to the summer;
• Long school holidays or vacation periods, other than summer, may be shared. Half the time spent with each parent, or taking turns each year;
• The parent can have the child on that parent's birthday, Mother's Day for mothers, and Father's Day for the fathers for up to 8– hours if not on a school day. When these days are during the school week, visits may be after school until one hour before bedtime.

Caring For Your Child's Emotional Needs

For information on how to care for your child's emotional needs during a divorce, click on the title below:

Caring for Your Child's Emotional Needs During a Divorce

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